


Solid

by Romansy (Eleanoraaa)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Daichi is the best and always knows what to say, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Infant death (nothing graphic), and other bodily fluids, suga is a doctor in labor and delivery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-28 14:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10117484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eleanoraaa/pseuds/Romansy
Summary: It's hard to lose a patient. It's hard to keep going after that. It's a little easier when your husband is there to pick you up and set you to rights.





	

   His hands swam in and out of focus, red, red blood blurring with the harsh, sterile blue of his latex gloves. He blinked, tears falling to join the disgusting mix of bodily fluids on the table-and on his scrubs, and his gloves, probably his shoes. He sucked a deep breath, exhaling slowly."I'm calling it. Time of birth. 3:47 Am. Time of death: 5:15 AM." He took another shuddering breath. "You did your best. This happens. I'll tell the mother, you guys wrap up for tonight."

    The walk to the biohazard disposal is a hard one. Losing a child is not something you get used to, no matter how many years you've been a doctor. Suga squeezed his eyes shut, stripping off his scrubs, careful not to get any of the various fluids streaking them on his skin. He washed his hands on autopilot (30 seconds, up to the elbow) and redressed in clean scrubs. (pants, undershirt, top)

    He pressed his thoughts down as he tracked down the surgeon and found out where the mother was. Suppressed them as he was informed the hemorrhage wasn't fatal, but that she wouldn't be able to have more children. Turned them off completely as he approached room 2-409 and knocked. His face was as composed as it ever was, if a little tired, as he greeted Mr and Mrs. Aotake. If his voice cracked as her face crumpled and and her shoulders shook as she doubled over the pain in her stomach, he let it go.

    He made it out of the room before it overwhelmed him and he crouched down, hugging his knees as sobs wracked his body. He let himself cry for exactly 30 seconds before he dragged himself up and to his locker, grabbing his bag and changing his shoes as he called for a lyft with shaking hands. As he led himself into the back seat the thoughts came bubbling up. "you're not good enough" they whispered. "you could have saved that one" "you need to be better you could have been faster _if you had just worked a little faster_ -" a choked noise made its way out of his throat and he pressed both hands against his face and let the revulsion he felt at not being able to save a life consume him again, shoulders shaking harder as sobs wracked his frame.

    Getting from the backseat of his taxi to the front door of his apartment felt like climbing a mountain. Guilt is heavier than lead, heavier than gold, he had learned early on. Not interested in fumbling through his bag for his keys he just knocked, leaning his forehead on the cold painted wood. His eyes ached and his head hurt and he cried on with no energy left to care about what the neighbors might think. His ears buzzed as negative thoughts swirled through his skull faster than he could keep up with, filling the inside of his head with feelings of worthlessness and failure that pressed against the sides of his mind as if someone was trying to inflate a balloon inside of a bowling ball.

    He didn't register the door opening snd strong arms pulling him close until Daichi's hands had removed his bag and caught his hands up, letting him lean all his weight on a solid chest, pressing his ear against his soft cotton t-shirt so that Suga could hear his strong, constant heartbeat.

    Daichi's face had fallen as soon as he heard Suga's knock, knowing that if Suga was in abnormal frame of mind he would have let himself in. He poured a glass of water and opened the door, following a habit he wished he never had had to develop. Relieving Suga of his bag and pulling him close, helping him take off his shoes and getting him to the couch or the bed with a glass of water to rehydrate with was the routine Daichi followed whenever this happened. It had been a while since the last time, but this was a kind of thing you didn't forget about, not as a doctor or the husband of one.

    Suga clung to Daichi, breathing in shallow gulps between sobs.

"I-I couldn't save it, Daichi I couldn't do it a-and the mother was so young only twenty-four and they wanted a child so badly and I couldn't save their son he had a chance Dai he had a chance and I-"

    Daichi muffled his words by pressing Suga's face into his chest, letting him cry against his shoulder. He rocked back and forth softly, holding his husband close until the tears eased and he walked him to the couch, pressing a glass of water and two aspirin into his pale hand.

    "Do you want to talk about it?"

    He asked quietly, brushing the others silver hair from his forehead. Suga shook his head, his eyes shut tight.

    "My head hurts," he said, "I want to rest."

   Daichi scooped him up bodily and planted himself neatly on the couch, settling Suga down on top of him which pulled the first weak smile out of Suga he had seen this morning.

"Then we'll rest."

Daichi woke up a few hours later to the sound of his husband tapping on his phone.

    "Feeling better?" he asked, sitting up and running a hand through his short hair. Suga nodded, glancing over to him before looking back at his phone. Daichi took note of the bags under his bloodshot eyes and decided coffee was in order. As he set about grabbing various tools for making espresso, Suga wondered over to lean against the small island in their kitchen.

   Daichi waited. Suga needed to talk after nights like these, but pressing him for it too early never worked out in anything but frustration. Still, he mused as he steamed milk to make foam, in high school an event of equivalent magnitude would have crushed Suga for weeks. Not that he'd ever have let anyone see it, but he wouldn't have returned Daichi's texts, or have had quite the same energy as he bossed around the younger kids.

    A soft kiss on his shoulder and strong arms wrapping around his waist interrupted his memories.

    "it was premature. 23 weeks," Suga said softly, resting his chin on Daichi's shoulder and peering st the coffee.

    "There was a chance, but not very much of one. With babies born that early its really impossible to predict." He sighed, long and slow.

    "I know this happens. I know it as well as anyone else... but I wish I could stop it." Daichi turned around, planting a kiss on his husbands beautiful face.

  "You do stop it. All the time, every day. How many premature babies have you successfully delivered this week?"

   "twenty-four"

    "And how many were before 28 weeks?" Suga thought for a minute.

    "seven? I think?"

   Daichi kissed him again, on the lips, slow and sweet.

    "you're not God, Koushi. You can't control life and death."

He kissed him again softly, letting his husband close his eyes and nod before he grinned, slipping out of Suga arms and filling two coffee cups.

  "but I think you might be an angel." Suga smacked his shoulder, accepting a cup full of coffee with a real smile, and maybe a bit of a blush high on his cheekbones, not that he'd admit it. He smiled down into his coffee cup, thanking again whatever had led Daichi into his life as the last remnants of the feelings of the morning slipped quietly away. He couldn't save everyone. He couldn't save everyone, but he saved some, and in the end that's all anyone can do. 

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO ITS ME FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER IN HAIKYUU!!! I love this anime and I love these characters, so have some angst.
> 
> Seriously though, this is only the second fic ive ever published so ANY feedback would be welcomed and loved and  
> cherished. 
> 
> AU COURTESY OF MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD DAN WHOM I LOVE


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